Call Me Crazy, but My Favorite Destiny Activity is IRON BANANA

I tried it once as a kinderguardian - a Level 25 hunter in a level 34 world.  I dropped in at the end of a match on burning shrine.  Racked up one kill, five assists, twelve deaths and a defeat.  I think that might have been the last pre-TK Iron Banner.  July 2015, my second month of playing.

FFWD to October 2015.  I was sole associate on a pretty killer deal at work (in terms of time commitment).  In my line, that means getting up at 6 and working straight through to 2, 3, 4 a.m. for a week, week-and-a-half at a time.  Don't feel bad.  That is the exception, and I'm compensated.  Anyway, I wasn't exactly hitting the week's Iron Banner . . . like yer pa hits the sauce.

But I wanted to.

Then, emergency.  Wifey Prime needed to travel on moment's notice from our southern state 1 (well, I call it "our" because we live there now; I'm a New Yorker, please and thank you) to southern state 2 in order to be with Wifey Prime's mother in her time or emergent medical need.  Wife Prime booked a flight and left the next morning, Friday.  She took Baby Prime with her, but that left me to care for Daughter Prime and Viking Terrorist Prime Things 1 and 2 all while managing the killer work deal.  I moved my work accouterments from my third floor office down to the kitchen table so I could keep an eye on the Primelets.  That worked out alright, far as it goes, although the distraction of trying to keep children from harming themselves and each other seriously enough to require hospital services likely had me saying "yeah.  Huh?  Wait, sorry, repeat that if you would" the few times I dared unmute my phone headset against the unyielding backdrop of screams and shouted potty talk.

But! It also meant that once the three Primelets were asleep for the night, I could concentrate fully on the deal.  And then once the deal was asleep for the night (11pm or so, making it an early Friday), I could concentrate fully on the ole' Iron Banana until I couldn't stay awake.  And it was good.  I kept much the same schedule on Saturday, playing my Hunter main to rank 5 and then switching to my Titan alt.  And hoo-boy, what a difference.  To wit: I never did clear the 2500 score bounty on the Hunter.  On that pre-nerf hammer Titan, though?  I never scored below that.  Usually came out top of the boards, even in losses.  I don't know why the stats tracker sites (even Bungie.net) have somehow lost my October 2015 Titan Iron Banner stats, but hoo-boy I wish I could, like, check my medal count from that Iron Banner or something.  Cuz it was noice.

Also noice, the weapon loot from my first Iron Banner:

The Finnala's will sub in for my First Curse when I need to use an exotic special or heavy.  Doesn't hit quite as hard or have as much aim assist, but has good range (plus range finder and reinforced barrel for even more) and a good magazine size.  And as seen above, with hidden hand the aim assist isn't bad.  This is dropping / rank 4 weapon for the current IB.  Recommended if the roll is right.

This Bretomart's dropped for me in October, and I understand this exact roll is popping up in the current week's Saladin vendor rank 5 slot (credit: Byf).  Pick it up.  It's a-nice.  Only weakness I see is ammo capacity (both mag and carried - you'll always need to have machine ammo boots).

Oh, Bretomart's Stand, how I adore you:

But more than the loot, I dig Iron Banner for the nebulous sense of togetherness.  As in, we're all in this together.  Together, to deprive each other of wins.

I find there are more folks on mic during Iron Banner than in regular crucible, and at least at the start, I got a kick out of that.  But yeah, the chat is largely poisonous.  I remember coming out at the bottom of a losing effort during which I'd remained silent but listened to one enthusiastic fellow attempt to make call-outs to his less-committed chat partner.  Come the rewards screen, I was awarded a legendary legs engram.  The enthusiastic fellow exploded.  "See that, right there?"  I paraphrase.  "Dude gets a legendary.  Just like life, my man.  Blam!-ing welfare, know what I mean?"  Yep, just like it.

So . . . Iron Banner.  It's the best.  I'm coming back from vacation tomorrow night and I'll be hitting it.  Like yer pa hits the sauce.  Hey-o.  Join up if you see me on the x-bone.

Calling Roll: Introducing A Non-Exhaustive Survey of The Productivity-killing Plurality of Content Creators

I did PvP in the heady days (or, salad days? The hell is that about, Billy?) of GoldenEye and Perfect Dark.  I was pretty clutch with the couch LAN, so you must refer to the below visual aid as you fantasmically reconstruct the feelings that welled from out my darkness when, after a 15-year PvP hiatus, I hopped into Destiny rumble and promptly dug a K/D tunnel to Tasmania.   Deep hole, ya see.

Pictured: A pretty fair approximation, actually, of Subtimus Prime's first forays into Crucible.

What to do?  Google suggested thusly, in words furnished by the meta-redditor: "git good. scrub."

Another of Google's appendages, though, formed more *ahem* fruitful words: "Crucible school."  "PvP Tips."  "Mr. Fruit! Teach me to be the best! Okay."  Ah, youtube.  I started from that base of videos by MTashed, BBK Dragoon and Mr. Fruit and, aside from the rare moment Wifey Prime and I have for zoning out together, haven't even touched Netflix since.  (One of these days, Daredevil season 2, one of these days.)  For lo, what need have I for scripted entertainments and the like?  The 'tube provides a roster (I've 26 subscriptions, subject always to change) of skilled and diverse Destiny content creators churning out comedy, tips, reviews and "hold my beer and watch this" awesomeness and tomfoolery.

And this isn't a bunch of half-assed shakey-cam putrescence.  (I've done my share of that for my kids' toy review channel: TheToyAroundKids, if you dare. (Tip: don't dare.))  Naw.  Whether it's just raw uploads or skillfully edited montages or machinima, all of it bears the indelible marks of the humane, the profound, the absurd, the sentimental and the naive, all at once and forever.  Here, my fellow soloists, is community.

This is Calling Roll, installment the first.

Pictured: The logo for QAA51MB's 'tube channel.  I don't get it either, but the gameplay is effin' solid.

For our first installment of the Calling Roll series we take a peek at a PvP youtuber with the handle QAA51MB.

QAA51MB puts up raw Crucible footage.  Good gameplay, and always outside the meta.  And there's a lot of it.  From what I can tell, this is a UK person - paypal donations page is set up for £.  I'll say QAA51MB is a "he" because he responds to 'tube comments like "good gameplay bro" with "thanks" instead of "thanks, but I'm a she-bro." (Although that's not dispositive.)   He's a titan through and through, but just this past week started up a warlock.  It's interesting and informative to see someone wreck despite the inherent new-character equipment and skill tree limitations.  Plus, this.  (jump to 3:08; tee-hee.)

introducing SUB-OPTIMAL DESTINY. plus solo cheese (valus nightfall March 22)

Pictured: Valus Ta'aurc at the wrong end of a 310 outlaw/army of one Nirwen's Mercy cheese strat.  (Small arms FTFW.)

Here at Sub-Optimal Destiny we're firmly ensconced in the silent majority of Destiny's 2 million crowd.  Translation: we don't even raid, bro.

1. A Brief History of Subtimus Prime and Destiny.  I picked up the game from the Bezos bargain bin just after House of Wolves dropped.  But only because my buddy Pete_BNG (not real name/tag, so don't even.  Don't even!) was coming to visit and I didn't want to be rude.  What was I gonna do?  Not have his game?  Imagine that for a moment: "Oh, heh-heh, yeah, just got this here x-bone a couple months ago.  Still don't have the game you've been killing yourself lo these years to birth and nurture, though.  It'd've cost me near-on twenny-figh clams, ya savvy?  Sooooo, MCC, anyone? I think the download's just about fini-- nope, still going."

As my buddy Pete_BNG sat there in his company in-joke t-shirt, watching me play the opening mission, it must've sounded like faint praise when I complimented him on the excellent controls.  I say that because he responded by promising the raids would be fun.  And by all accounts, my buddy Pete_BNG was spot-on there.  It's just, well, I'm pretty sure I'll never know firsthand.

And not because "oh noes, in-game LFG wut!"  Rather, it's because I, Subtimus Prime, cannot be counted on.

Surface level, I can't plan when I can hop on Destiny.  Has to be after everyone else in the house is asleep - Baby Prime, Daughter Prime, Viking Terrorist Prime Thing 1 and 2, and last, Wifey Prime.  Then once I'm on, I'll likely have to jump off to tend to Baby Prime when she spools up the cry crank.  For a long while, I was so sensitive to having to stop at a moment's notice that I did little besides patrols. I didn't run crucible other than rumble.  I didn't want to - sniff! - let you down, coach.

2.  First NF.  I've gotten over it, mostly.  I'll leave teams in the lurch if I have to bail on strikes, normal crucible, or even iron banner.  But I won't do that to other folks in the midst of trials or a raid.  And so I've yet to run trials or raid.  I mean, I messed around soloing Crota a little but got bored and didn't power past my first death.  Then, a couple weeks ago I was running a little crucible with one of my clan leaders when he popped the question: up for nightfall?

A crossroads, that.

I had to decide.  Beg off with meek protestation about my filial obligations, or man up?  "Um . . . ." Eff it, I thought.  "Sounds good. I'm in."  And so, after approximately eleventy-four wipes at the warsat and threeve-and-a-half shivs from the shank boss, I'd done my first-ever nightfall (and was RNG'd a super-sweet Baron's Ambition in the bargain).

Pictured: CatstacheInc's POV as the rest of his fireteam wipes (again) and he has to shank the shank himself.  Dubble bros!

The cry crank, mercifully, remained un-spooled for the duration.

3.  Solo NF Cheese.  Content of my clan wall post on this subject: "Tip: if there was ever a week to solo the NF, this is it. Valus with small arms (primary damage increased) makes it pretty doable. Cheese spots are 1. for 4 guards, up on the little overhang where you leave the bunker that has the interceptors. 2. For taken gate lord, cliff up top left just before the drop down to field of blights. 3. For valus, behind stacked boxes accessible to the left of both ramps on the left side of valus' room"

Credit to: silentsnowowl - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYx8pTQuzGU
marcanum x - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYx8pTQuzGU

See, small arms Valus NF came into my life at just the right moment.  After my bubble bro (or bubble sis, since my titan is modeled after Wifey Prime) struggled with the shank NF, I wasn't sure how my 310 hunter would do in a NF situation.  So I wanted to try soloing instead of potentially wasting others' time.  I tried to solo the Chaperone strike, and was doing pretty well until I was overwhelmed by shielded psions at the space tank.  Same strike was the nightfall that week and I didn't even try it.  Then came the current one (last day is today, actually, so the above tips could very well be out of date by the time you read this *kanye shrug*).  After reading through the modifiers, I had a feeling this would be the one.  No elemental + small arms + no ammo B.S. modifier = let's do it.  After reviewing the cheese spots recommended by SilentSnowOwl and Marcanum X, I completed it with one death, and found a treads upon stars I'll probably never even use.  (I'm a DIS-43 man, through and through.)  More importantly, this marked the completion of that Vanguard quest that drops the god-roll Conspiracy Theory-D.  Since I waited so long, mine dropped at 300.  I love my LITC Matador (RIP shot package; why-oh-why'd mine have to be replaced with surrounded?), but the infamous D will come in handy for Iron Banana, if nothing else.

4.  Last thoughts on do you even raid, bro.  So alright, I'll do the NF every now and then, maybe.  Especially if it's susceptible to soloing.  But the raid?  I remain mortified at the prospect of having to leave 5 teammates in the lurch in the event I have to attend to Baby Prime or if Wifey Prime wakes up and delivers the gut-punch for which there is no viable feint or riposte: "What are you doing?" Plus, even as I yearn for the experience of raiding, there persists a subtle whisper from my subconscious, rising lately to make itself heard.  And this whisper is familiar to each of us introverts.  The whisper sends me a melange of word and image, its meanings variegated, shaded and jagged and contradictory and grand and petty.  We will continue to plumb the depths from which the whisper emanates, but for now-ish it suffices to say: I dunno, man, all that sounds like a lot of work.  To wit, this current BNG thread: https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/197930767/0/0